Sunday, November 9, 2008

A Dip in the Gene Pool

By Andrew

From Charleston, we piled into the Gordo Marquis for the five-hour trip to Gainesville, home to Mike and Susan and their two children, Grace and Mr. B. Driving into Florida, we miraculously escaped the gravitational pull exerted by Orlando and all things Mickey, but were catapulted instead onto some of northern Florida's more rural backroads.

Since we moved to the Eastern Shore, we have been increasingly perturbed by the number of neighbors who obviously floated out of the evolutionary channel. In retrospect, we have nothing to worry about. Some of the burgs in northern Florida make the southern tip of Northampton look like M.I.T.

This is a gene pool that has shrunk severely through several hot-rinse cycles. When we stopped for a bathroom break at a Publix grocery store in the town of Starke, I was almost too frightened to get out of the car. It was as if a Picasso painting had come to life and decided to go shopping. I can't imagine how they're going to top the natural order for Halloween.

Without making any political comments, I will simply report that McCain-Palin signs were heavy on the ground. Obama-Biden signs made a comeback as we entered Gainesville, home to the University of Florida.

Ground central for Obama support, however, was Susan and Mike's home. Just days before the election, Susan was scarcely able to turn on the TV from sheer anxiety. Mike, on the other hand, was in fine fettle, donning new T-shirts—his chosen medium of political expression—at a dizzying pace. "1-20-09: The End of an Error" graced his chest during evening drinks. By the time we settled down for a nightcap several T-shirts later, I think we were up to "If you want religion in schools, move to Iran."

If Mike strays from Gainesville's city limits, he will almost certainly be shot, especially if he receives the T-shirt we ordered for him. It reads "Starke Naked? No Thanks."

No comments: